Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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