if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
