So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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