update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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