just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
