HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
