I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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