so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
