I'm really into asian looking animals
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
