I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
