I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
