So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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