stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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