All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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