i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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