does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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