look no pants
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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