I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
