I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize