Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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