Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize