dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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