i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
