The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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