Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
