It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
