Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
