I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
