the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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