I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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