There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize