why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
