i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
