Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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