I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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