What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
