im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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