Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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