it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
