Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
