Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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