once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
