So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
