I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
