Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
