I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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