i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
