Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
