She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
These tits shall not be calmed
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
