please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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