Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
