You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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