Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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