Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
