why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
