Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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