this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
