Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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