If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
