Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
