Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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