How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize