Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
