I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize