Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
