so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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