i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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