We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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