I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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