he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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