Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
